You have opened up a new door

Brookville Lake

April 2012

Hey, go for it, go for it. 

On the set of Lion King

Subway Pick-nic

I will cherish your smile and this day for quite a while

Grip, Rip, Skip

Spend time with those you love, listen to them, learn their dreams. Lay with them in silence and soak in their presence. 

Let the sun sink into you, the breeze brush your cheeks, and his kiss consume you.

What a wonderful day this was. 

Waiting In The Weeds

It was 5AM and I couldn't sleep, 7AM rolled around and I still couldn't sleep
 I decided to take a drive to ease my mind.
Here are some pictures from my escape.

I do what I want, when I want.

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for the dust to settle down along the
Back roads running through the fields
Lying on the outskirts of this lonesome town 

Second Photo Shoot

Indianapolis, IN

Photo Credit: Stephen Simonetto

Pattern Magazine shoot
http://issuu.com/patternindy/docs/pattern_issue_1 

I was nervous going into this photo shoot mainly because I didn't have a lot of experience and I had never collaborated with other models, not to mention gorgeous and talented ones at that. The risk was well worth it though. The shoot was a great opportunity and learning experience plus I was able to meet some pretty cool people and get my picture in a magazine :)  

First Photo Shoot

 Here are some photos the lovely Sisilia Piring-Rohrer so kindly took of me while she was in town visiting June of 2011

Check her work out at http://idontdodigital.com/

(: 

My mother always said I should pursue modeling. She's my mother and that's what she's supposed to say because every mother thinks their child/ children are superior to others. Secretly I was always interested in the art of photography and modeling, I just didn't want people to get the wrong impression of me as in think I was self absorbed or stuck up because I was modeling. Then I realized I didn't care what people thought because you're given one life and why not live that life to its highest potential. Plus if one is to judge in a negative and non supportive way, why would I want that individual in my life. Do I plan to make a career out of modeling? No, unless that's where life intends on taking me. It's fun for me and its challenging in so many ways. 

xoxo

I've been stumbling through some dark places.

Brookville Lake

Its been almost a year since the last time I posted anything. I can't sleep and I was feeling the urge to write so here I am. As I was trying to sleep I couldn't diminish the dark questions that kept popping into my mind, like how would I die? Would I die a painful death, of old age or die of cancer like so many loved ones I have known. I wish this was not how my brain operated in its state of "rest". My rational for this situation is that death is a part of life and its only natural to be curious.

April 1st will be the 7 month mark of my mothers passing. It still amazes me how much my life has changed in only a year. I know I'm not the only one in the world who has lost someone and I'm not searching for sympathy I'm only expressing how I feel which is hollow at times, empty and longing for that part of me I will never get back. That void is only filled when I dream about her, she's smiling and the sun is shinning so brightly on her. She's usually on a boat in the lake fishing. She loved to fish. Maybe I have this dream because one of the last cheerful moments I shared with her was on a boat in the lake. She was having a good day, a day where the cancer wasn't sucking the life out of her brittle bones. We laughed and skipped rocks and for that moment I felt I had my mother back. 


 I will never have her back but she is in every beautiful thing. She is in the sun that shines so bright, she is in the warm breeze that blows my hair, she is in every breath of every Eagles song I sing. Her memory lives on and I'm doing all I can to make her proud. 

"And I've been waiting in the weeds

Waiting for my time to come around again and

Hope is floating on the breeze

Carrying my soul high up above the ground and

I've been keepin' to myself

Knowin' that the seasons are slowly changing

Even though you're with somebody else

He'll never love you like I do"

<3

Another year has come and gone

We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends. We will go back to the places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been months it will seem like only yesterday.

As you walk into your old bedroom every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to mater so much anymore. The things you hold highest now, no one from home will completely understand.

Then you realize how much things have changed, you realize the hardest part of college is balancing the two completely  different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything..all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind and also what you have to look forward to.

In the matter of one days traveling time I will leave the world I once knew. Leaving behind my roommates who were once complete strangers (besides Janae) who thankfully turned out to be amazing/ talented/ intelligent women and not psychotic hoe bags.

I'll miss all the familiar faces on campus and in the Late Nite office, planning Late Nites and working out to body by Jake with cans of corn. I've made TONS of unforgettable memories here at Ball State 2010-2011 but its time to set sail to a new adventure, a some what familiar adventure...

Will I be able to afford rent/food/bills

Where will I work

Who will I keep in touch with from Muncie

Who will I become friends with in Richmond

Which of my old friends will be waiting for my arrival

Will living with my boyfriend of three years work out for the best

WILL BISHOP PEE ON MY BED

Is this the right thing to do?

 Yes, this is the right thing to do. Its natural for me to be second guessing myself, of course I'm going to miss Ball State and all the people I've meet and become best friends with but this is what I need right now for myself. I need the warmth of my family- I miss their smiles I miss my moms bald head and baggy clothes, I miss snoop throwing a fit when my dad doesn't pay attention to him- I miss my grandma, Tylean, and Robbie. This year has truly shown me how quickly life can turn around.

For the LAST time good bye Ball State, good bye Muncie, IN and good bye Friends

I wish you the best of luck with everything you do! 

Smile like you mean it

When ever I'm with this girl we seem to have a good time! I'll never forget our spontaneousness decision to get our medusas done, our girl dates and baking treats for a couple shows! Our boyfriends are five year olds when they're together so its nice to just have girl time :]

I went to my first Drag Show in Fort Wayne over break with Laynie at After Dark- I must say it was a blast! Dollars were being handed over like candy on Halloween! I almost felt like I was at a strip club especially when one of the girls came out with just her nipples covered-Hello lil Kim haha We danced our hearts out & sadly I didn't get hit on by any hott chicks-probably because those who were there thought Laynie was my ride or die chick ;]

All I had was my Samsung Rouge so the following pictures aren't the best.

This lady with the hat on was too thirsty-she handed out $30 easily!

I really didn't do much over Spring break- I went to Richmond, Oxford, Muncie, and Fort Wayne. Me Jenna, her brother and his friends went to Brick street in Oxford which was a decent time, saw some old friends and some bum ass dudes who still act the way they did in high school only now they have 4 kids lmlbo! I also hung out with Shelbs & bray! I stayed the night at her new apartment which is extremely homey i love it! We decided to put Bray in his tuxedo & OMG he looked so handsome-

Spending time with my mom was less stressful than usual-She's doing so much better now a days, shes in high spirits & is getting out of the house more-We've been to the mall, traders depo, and big lots over the past month. It's funny to think how little trips like this mean the world to me. 

Fort Wayne was amazing, I got to spend some much needed time with Mr. Bishyboo- I hung out at Starbucks with some old pals & got free drinks. 

Meet Joshy & Seth aka STUDS

Seeing my handsome boyfriend was DABEST!- We watched movies, went to the mall, out to eat and relaxed! I miss sleeping in the same bed with him & waking up to him and Bishop cuddling haha its such a sight to see<3